Executive Order No. 246.5: Nacho Legislation for the Nation

THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON

EXECUTIVE ORDER NO. 246.5

ENSURING THE PROPER PREPARATION, DISTRIBUTION, AND ENJOYMENT OF NACHOS ACROSS THE NATION

By the authority vested in me as Supreme Executive of the United States and Commander in Cheese, I hereby order the following measures to uphold nacho integrity as a national priority:

SECTION 1: NATIONAL NACHO STANDARDIZATION ACT
(a) A federally recognized nacho shall consist of structurally sound tortilla chips, an equitable cheese-to-chip ratio, and properly distributed toppings. Any establishment guilty of topping consolidation malpractice (e.g., piling all toppings on a single chip) shall be subject to publicly posted apologies and mandatory replacement platters.

(b) The presence of soggy chips constitutes a culinary failure. Any entity responsible for moisture-compromised nachos must provide immediate reparations in the form of fresh chips or a full remake.

SECTION 2: GUACAMOLE EQUITY INITIATIVE
(a) Charging extra for guacamole is now classified as culinary exploitation. All federally recognized nacho establishments must provide guacamole free of surcharge, subsidized as needed by the National Avocado Reserve.

(b) In the event of avocado shortages, a Salsa Verde Safety Net shall be enacted. This measure ensures that a bright, tangy tomatillo-based salsa verde is provided as a federally approved guacamole alternative, maintaining the structural and flavor integrity of all nachos impacted by the crisis.

SECTION 3: FORK BAN ACT OF 2024
(a) The use of forks, knives, or any other utensils of betrayal in the consumption of nachos is expressly prohibited. Exceptions may be granted in extreme cases of topping dislocation or excessive cheese adhesion, pending review by the National Council on Nacho Integrity (NCNI).

(b) Any violators shall be subject to public scrutiny and mandatory nacho re-education.

SECTION 4: NATIONAL NACHO HOLIDAY PROVISION
(a) The second Friday of each month is designated as Federal Nacho Day, during which all employees shall receive a mandatory nacho consumption period of no less than 30 minutes.

(b) The Department of Education shall develop a National Nacho Literacy Program to ensure future generations are properly trained in history, preparation, and ethical nacho consumption.

(c) The Secretary of State is directed to engage in Nacho Diplomacy, offering incentives to nations that uphold nacho equality.

SECTION 5: IMPLEMENTATION AND ENFORCEMENT
(a) This order takes effect immediately and shall remain in force unless repealed by an act of Congress or an unforeseen national crisis requiring temporary suspension of nacho-related mandates.

(b) Any violators shall be subject to penalties deemed appropriate by the Federal Nacho Oversight Commission (FNOC), including public condemnation, nacho privilege suspension, and, in extreme cases, designation as an Enemy of the Snack State.

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