Margin of Cheese Error

Some people measure happiness in moments. Others measure it in cheese coverage. The Margin of Cheese Error is the difference between “pretty good nachos” and “life-changing experience.” Statistically speaking, it’s the most important variable in snack satisfaction.

Too little cheese, and the data shows widespread disappointment. Too much cheese, and the structural integrity collapses. Somewhere in between lies perfection — a range so narrow scientists have yet to replicate it outside of accidental success. The cheese must melt evenly, distribute fairly, and adhere to at least 93.7% of chips. Anything less, and the model fails peer review.

Each nacho platter, through careful study, follows a predictable pattern: on average, 27.3% of chips end up naked and ignored, 58.9% carry too much weight and suffer catastrophic topping failure, and only 2.9% achieve topping equilibrium — the rare, perfect nacho that holds flavor, form, and faith in balance. The remaining percentage has, unfortunately, gone missing.

In the end, nacho science isn’t about precision. It’s about balance, probability, and accepting that even under the strictest controls, the cheese has its own free will.