Nacho Funeral Etiquette: A Guide

Funerals are solemn occasions. A time for reflection, remembrance, and, in some cases, post-service snacks. But what if that snack was nachos? Could it be done? Should it be done? And most importantly—how do you eat them respectfully?

First, let’s talk crunch levels. A loud, reckless crunch in the middle of a eulogy? Unacceptable. You must master the silent chew technique, a delicate balance of jaw control and chip selection. If the crunch is loud enough to turn heads, you’ve failed. Eat quietly, or risk being asked to leave.

Then there’s topping etiquette. Is it polite to load your plate with every last jalapeño while others wait in line? No. You must approach the nacho tray with grace, selecting a reasonable amount of toppings while leaving enough for your fellow mourners. If you take all the melted cheese chips, you are now the villain of this story.

And what about double-dipping? In any other scenario, it’s bad manners. At a funeral, it’s social suicide. A single dip is your only dip. If you need more, you get a new chip or accept your fate. There are no exceptions.

Lastly, let’s talk appropriate nacho dress codes. Bright orange chips dusted in neon cheese powder? Too casual. Fully loaded nachos with a drizzle of melted cheddar? Borderline. Dark, blue corn tortilla chips with a dignified cheese blend? Classy, respectful, and funeral-appropriate.

If nachos must be at a funeral, let’s make sure they’re eaten with the proper decorum. Because some things deserve dignity—even chips and cheese.

Image created using DALL-E.