Nachos in Case of Emergency

Some people have fire extinguishers. Others have go-bags. I have a nacho kit duct-taped to the inside of my pantry door labeled “IN CASE OF ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN (emotional or otherwise).” Because let’s face it—when life is literally or figuratively on fire, what you need most is crispy, cheesy triage.

The "Nachos in Case of Emergency" concept is simple: build the ultimate snack survival kit. Vacuum-sealed tortilla chips so crisp they could shatter a window. A squeeze tube of shelf-stable cheddar product (somehow both comforting and terrifying). Salsa packets labeled "Mild," "Medium," and "This Is Fine." Toss in a flame-grilled jerky crumble for protein, a single-use lighter for toasting marshmallow jalapeños (don’t ask), and maybe a note that just says, “You’ve survived worse. Eat nachos.”

Should you use it during an actual fire? No. Please do not do that. But for the mini fires—your boss sending a Slack at 4:59 PM, your dog chewing through another charging cable, or the general existential dread of being alive in this timeline—this kit is your crispy salvation.

Pro tip: Add a little emergency playlist. Track one? “Ring of Fire.” Track two? “Hot Stuff.” Track three? You weeping into your cheese.