The Nacho Cleanse

Ready to flush out guilt, shame, and self-control—all in one sitting?

Welcome to the Nacho Cleanse: a revolutionary, highly unapproved wellness trend that replaces green smoothies with molten cheese and kale with chips fried in defiance. It’s not endorsed by doctors (yet), but spiritually? It's the emotional enema we all need.

Step one: load your plate with whatever your inner nutritionist fears most—triple cheese, spicy sausage, sour cream swirls, maybe even a scoop of mac and cheese because boundaries are illusions. Step two: eat it. No counting, no justifying, no “maybe just one chip.” Eat it like it’s the last thing standing between you and happiness. Because it is.

This cleanse won’t clear your pores or help your skin “glow.” It will, however, unclog your soul. You’ll feel lighter—not because of weight loss, but because you finally stopped pretending you wanted that cucumber water in the first place.

Warning: side effects include cheese sweats, aggressive bliss, and the sudden desire to flip off a salad.

Image created using DALL-E.