Add to Cart, Add to Cheese

It starts innocently. You’re “just browsing” for deals when suddenly you’ve added seventeen unnecessary gadgets, a subscription to something involving alpacas, and a nacho craving that could crash a server. Cyber Monday doesn’t care about your willpower. It sees your hesitation and says, “Would you like extra queso with that?”

My kitchen became the checkout page today. Every topping felt like a lightning deal I couldn’t pass up: jalapeños—limited time only. Guac—low stock warning. Shredded cheddar—price drop alert. I even applied my own promo code: CHEESUSLIVES for 100% satisfaction, no refunds. The oven timer became the loading bar, slowly buffering toward flavor completion.

But then it got weird. I found myself on a site selling Bluetooth-enabled chip warmers (“Keep your crunch connected!”), ergonomic jalapeño slicers, and an AI subscription that recommends your next cheese based on mood swings. I entered coupon code NACHO20 and suddenly the algorithm was upselling me a limited-edition “Smart Guac” dispenser that syncs with my Wi-Fi. Somewhere between “Add to Cart” and “Apply Discount,” I realized I might need an intervention—or at least a second fridge.

The deals just kept popping. Flash sale on tortilla drone delivery. Half off digital queso NFTs (Non-Fungible Toppings). Free shipping on emotional support salsa. Every banner screamed urgency—“Only 3 left in stock!”—and I screamed back, “I’m only one person!” Still, I bought the Nacho Productivity Timer, which beeps every time you get distracted by cheese. It hasn’t stopped beeping since.

In the end, my inbox was flooded with order confirmations, shipping updates, and one suspicious “Congrats on your new cheese insurance policy!” But I regret nothing. Some people chase savings; I chase spice. Cyber Monday comes once a year, but bad financial decisions in the name of nachos? That’s a lifestyle.