Nachos and Kites: The Same Thing, Obviously

Have you ever looked at a kite and thought, “That’s just a giant nacho waiting to happen”? No? Well, you should, because kites and nachos are basically the same thing.

First, the obvious: both are triangles, which makes them superior to all other shapes. Squares? Too rigid. Circles? That’s alien technology, and frankly, I don’t trust it. But triangles? Aerodynamic. Efficient. Snack-friendly. If geometry had a king, it would be the triangle—more specifically, the nacho-triangle.

But the similarities don’t stop there. Consider structural integrity—a good kite needs the right framework to soar, just like a well-built nacho stack needs enough crunch to survive the journey from plate to mouth. Then there’s the string situation—kites need a tether to stay grounded, while nachos have cheese threads, the stretchy, edible engineering marvel that binds each chip to its delicious fate. Like a kite’s tail dancing in the wind, these strands of melted perfection ensure that every bite has a little extra flair—and a 50/50 chance of leaving a trail on your chin.

But no matter how well-engineered, both kites and nachos will inevitably be humbled by the two greatest forces of destruction: gravity and moisture. Gravity is patient. It waits. It knows the exact moment you’ve loaded the perfect nacho—cheese stretching, toppings balanced, the golden ratio of crunch to flavor—and then bam. The chip snaps, or worse, the toppings take a dive, plummeting toward an unspeakable fate. And then there’s moisture, the silent killer. Whether it’s a sudden downpour soaking a soaring kite or excess salsa turning a nacho into a floppy, tragic mess, the result is always the same: total structural failure, disappointment, and a little bit of heartbreak.

So the next time you see a kite soaring majestically through the sky, take a moment to appreciate its true nacho potential. And if someone actually builds a functional nacho-shaped kite, just know—I will be first in line to fly it… and probably first in line to eat it when it inevitably crash-lands.

Image created using DALL-E.