Nachos That Are Not for Sharing

Sometimes closure comes with cheese. And sometimes it comes with a single jalapeño placed like a final word.

Today, we honor the spirit of National Ex-Spouse Day the only way we know how: with Nacho Anymore—The Breakup Platter. A messy, melty, emotionally layered tray of feelings you no longer need to text about.

Start with the base: broken chips. Not metaphorically—literally. Because that relationship didn’t end in clean triangles. It ended in jagged edges and crumbs. Then comes the cheese—unevenly distributed, because someone in this scenario never pulled their weight. Next, toppings. Red onions (for the tears), bitter greens (for the unresolved tension), and jalapeños placed with deliberate spite.

Feeling extra? Add their least favorite topping. Olives, maybe. Just to make sure they wouldn’t touch this with a ten-foot snack board. Sprinkle on flaky sea salt and regret.

This isn’t about being bitter. It’s about being bold. It’s about creating something delicious out of emotional rubble. It’s about eating with your whole chest and none of your dignity. And yes, if you happen to eat the entire thing while watching old rom-coms and mock-laughing at the plotlines—well, that’s healing.

Because you don’t need closure.
You need nachos. And these are not for sharing.

Image created using DALL·E.